It's Okay To Be Vulnerable

WHAT MAKES YOU VULNERABLE MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL - BRENE BROWN

One of my favorite quotes; "Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty"

After church yesterday, I got home thinking about so much, trust me my head was full with all sorts but something made me realize (once again) that I am who I am and I love it, despite the pain, hurt, disappointments, heartbreak etc. I still love me and would never change. So I went on snapchat and posted a few words that popped into my head (some can be seen below). I got an amazing response, apparently my words made like 5 people think deep and that's more than enough for me. So I decided to finish up by blogging about it. I hope it does make a difference in your life, I hope it makes you love yourself more and for those who put up a wall out of fear of being hurt, I pray it helps you bring down your guard and break those walls. 

To be Vulnerable with Man creates room for manipulation, deceit, anger and hurt. 

That's Life! 

Being Vulnerable doesn't mean you are weak. 

Yes, being vulnerable makes us (humans) receptive to hurt, pain, heartbreak and disappointment. 

However, if you do not allow yourself be vulnerable, you risk losing the beautiful things in life. 

You risk being who you really are, your authentic self. That equals to you not being human because to be human is to be IMPERFECT. 

If you deny or put up a wall against being vulnerable, you create a situation whereby you cut yourself off life and all its opportunities, this is all done out of fear/denial and not strength. 

To accept being vulnerable means you are strong and courageous. 

Someone once said "For Vulnerability stands defiantly in the face of fear, accepting the uncertainty of possible attack or compromise."

Open up and embrace Vulnerability!!!!

Love Lowla

xXx

PS; I said be VULNERABLE, not be STUPID in life..........

What's The Plan For 2016

2016! 9 days into the New Year and some people already have the year mapped out for them, some others are panicking coz they have no plans for the year and it freaks them out while some like me have no specific plans mapped out but the determination and will to succeed more than we did last year. 

Now don't get me wrong, when I say I have no specific plan mapped out, it doesn't mean I'm just living each day as it goes out. Yes I do have plans, I have clients whom I have to make plans for and that automatically falls on me. What i mean is, I don't have plans saying "by July, I must be at a certain level or I must have made 10 million naira, or i must be engaged". I don't make such plans because I am who I am and it doesn't work for me, it might work for many other people. I am not where I am today because I made certain plans, I'm where I am because I worked hard at what I do and people recognized that hard work. 

I never thought I would be working for RocNation, shit never even crossed my mind but I'm dedicated to my work, I take it seriously and I work hard at it, and thanks to God who directs my steps, I got recommended for the position. Come to think about it......... I've been recommended to every client I've worked with so far. Excuse me, I'm a bad ass *takes a bow*. Lol. I did however apply to work at Ndani Communications :-)

After smoking cigarettes for 15 years, I finally quit in September 2015. I didn't plan to quit, I just decided one day and I am never going back (I keep saying when I'm 50, I'll smoke a stick, Lol). I personally don't make plans because things happen, situations arise, people change, nothing is constant and all of that can affect plans made and that can mess up a lot of things. What I do is tell myself "I will rise higher than I was in the past year, I will make more money than I made last year, I will be a better person than I was last year" and I work towards that. 

Whatever works for you, make sure you stay dedicated to it, work hard towards achieving those goals and if you hit any hurdles, it's fine, pick yourself up and keep moving. Always remember it's okay to be scared, the key is to remain positive while being scared, don't let fear distract you from your goal. Above all, stay prayerful and never lose faith! Stay hopeful and have an awesome 2016!

xXx

Love Lowla

Who's To Blame. Part 3

Hey guys, apologies for not finishing this up sooner, work got in the way. Lol. Here is the 3rd and final part.

If you're just reading this, you might want to read the first 2 parts to get the full gist.

When people say "oh you don't look like you're ready to settle down", my question to them is "am I supposed to raise a plaque-card over my head or let everyone I come across know that I'm ready for marriage"? Please help me understand, am I to sit and not go out or am I to go for just lunch and dinner with my friends and no event/shows? Am I supposed to not work or am I supposed to be less of the woman I am because people tell me that men are intimidated by my success? I'm confused! 

Again I ask, who is to blame? My response to that is "Everyone" around you, in some cases it just might be you! People have different problems and it arises from different situations so your case is definitely different from someone else's and it was triggered by something different. In some other cases, there is no problem at all, just sit and wait, your turn will come, don't let people complicate things for you. Personally I refuse to let people get to me, it's hard to deal with but I do deal with it. I've been told for over 5 years now that my job role and the fact that I'm independent pushes men away. Lola you're too much of a boss to make a man want to settle down with you. Lola you look intimidating, it scares men away. Lola you travel too much, a man wants his woman around him (Really? Why are you just saying that now that you know I just returned from from a months trip of work? When I didn't travel for over a year you didn't realize this o). Please tell me which one you people want because I am only one person. Am I to not work but sit and wait for a man to take care of me, buy me all I need, service my car and send allowance to those I need to send to every month? Because when that happens it will be a case of "she's with him for the money, can she not work for herself". What exactly do people want? What exactly do people want from you? Basically what I'm trying to say here is that you can never please people and you should not try to please people. Start with yourself first.

Who is to blame? The answer to this question as it concerns you is around you. 

Happy hunting guys ️

xXx

Who's To Blame. Part 2

Picking up from my last post, i have analyzed 2 of my questions and the 3rd remains "Do we blame women who fall for guys they clearly know has someone in their lives?"

I've heard a lot of girls advice their friends..... "At least he is not married", "Ehen! So because he's in love with her doesn't mean he can't fall for you", "They are just dating, you can still make him yours", "When you cook that efo riro and make his apartment spotless, he will know he has found wife material", "Please abeg, have you seen her? She's butt ugly, you're way more beautiful"..........

I pity all of you who listen to such statements, "Anu mi shey yin"! You have not found the man who loves his girlfriend or wife even though she can't go to the market, some can't even cook properly, or is it the one who loves his butt ugly wife or the one whose wife has no physical features what so ever, but he still adores her! Ladies this is not 1952, it's 2015. Not saying we haven't seen situations were a guy leaves the girl he's been with for 5 years for someone he met 6 months ago, it does happen but that doesn't mean because it happened to Kemi then it will happen to you or your friend Mary.

Understand and believe this ladies, what is yours will surely be yours. If he likes he should marry 50 women, he will still come back to you, however no one wants to wait till they are 70 to be with the love of their life, Lol. What you should do is pray to not marry the wrong person or not leave the right person for the wrong one! Most importantly, pray for wisdom to know your man/woman when you meet him/her, end of story. Another thing we need to realize is this, not everyone God created is meant to get married. If you can tell yourself that not every man/woman created is meant to birth children (i didn't say HAVE o, coz there's always adoption) then you better let the former sink into your head now.

So the question remains "who's to blame" Men or Women? Some women find themselves in situations of desperation, some have reached the point of giving zero fucks so they don't care if he has anyone in his life, they are just tired of waiting for Mr Right and at that point, any man who isn't married is a target (okay Target isn't such a good word to use, Lol). They usually feel like this because of pressure from their families or being surrounded by friends who are married and keep saying to them, you need to find your own man or you are not living the life of someone who is ready to get married or their families just constantly compare them to every married woman in the world. Dear friends and family, Advice is different from putting someone down!!!

Longer than i anticipated, Lol. Will finish this up tomorrow.

Love Lowla

xXx

Who's To Blame. Part 1

On my previous platform, "What Women Want", I blogged about how I almost fell for a married man (because I didn't know he was married). I also talked about how much I appreciated him for being honest with me by telling me he was married before I actually did fall for him.

Now most women say falling for a married man is the worst thing and I do agree with that 100%, it is not a situation single women want to fall victim to, but i have also realized that what may just be worse is actually falling for a single guy (not married) who has someone he's in love with and we can all say there's a 99% chance of him ending up with the girl he's in love with. I say this because in most cases, you know when a guy is married. With single guys, you do not know if he has a girlfriend or not, some guys date you for months and then say they are not ready for a relationship.....Gurrrrrl, Miss Daisy is waiting for him at home. Lol

I'm blogging about this coz there's too much of this situation happening in the "single world" today. Do we blame it on the ratio of men to women? Do we blame it on men being greedy and heartless? Or do we blame it on women who fall for guys they clearly know has someone in his life? Hmmmm!

Agreed on the fact that there are more women than men in the world today and best believe it's still going up coz majority of the people having babies are having girls, Lol. I guess we all need to pray to God to please Grace us with more men in the world. Lol.

Blaming men for being greedy and heartless....... Dare I say it's somehow in their genes? Lol. The same way men will never fully understand women (no matter how smart they think they are), is the same way we will never fully understand them. Why? Because they are all different. Yes they do have common features just like us women do but the sooner you understand that there is something in Dave that Bayo doesn't have, the better for you. Understand your own man, not all the men in the world and never compare him to your last (same goes to you guys). 

Yes I do agree that many guys who have someone in their lives go about either lying about it, failing to mention there's someone special in their life or being honest and saying "hey I do have a girlfriend but I like you, let's be matured here", that will lead to him saying"I enjoy having sex with you", "I love being around you". Then you start telling your friends "we are just having casual sex, it's just a fling", this in most cases is you lying to yourself about how you really feel, it happens to the best of us. Then you finally hear yourself telling him "I miss you", "you didn't message me last week" etc. People, this is where the problem starts, yes it's being honest but that na where the wahala dey emanate from. True or false? Lol.

Here's something we all need to know and understand, there is no way 2 people can have good sex, great communication/understanding, be good friends, basically co-exist together and not fall for each other (i blogged about this in my "Friends With Benefit" post). When this does happens, the victim will most likely be the one who doesn't have anyone special in his/her life.

Who gets hurt at the end of the day? I'll leave you guys to answer in the comment box below. 

Still so much more to say, Lol. I'll finish this in a few days.

Love Lowla :-)

xXx

Note To Self......You Matter!

How much do you love yourself? Seems like an easy question that should generally have a straight forward answer without thinking, the answer being "I Love myself more than anyone or anything". Yea, its easy to say this but i urge you to think about it for a second when next someone asks you that question or something remotely close because the truth is, a lot of us do not love ourselves as much as we think we do.

Many of us put other people first, and this is generally not a bad thing, it just depends on what aspect of life. Are you the type that puts your family before you in life? Are you the type that puts your friends before you in life? Or are you the type that puts any man or woman he or she likes before yourself in life? How well do you take care of yourself? Health wise, physically, even emotionally!

As a parent, it is mandatory to put your children and family first, you now live for them, everything about their lives matter and should come first. Some parents might disagree with me and say "You don't have children or a husband, what do you know". Well for now, i will continue to think this way, when i do get married and finally have children, i strongly believe i will put them first.

In the past, i can tell you that i put literally everyone in my life before me, this includes friends and in some cases, boyfriends i had back then (my ex still owes me money i borrowed him after we broke up sef. God dey, Lol). If i had money that i had put aside for certain things and someone (either my cousins, staff, or my older steps) called to say "Lola please i need money for this or that, i need your help and i will pay you back", i would run to their aid, willingly. My younger cousin said to me a little while back, "Lola you have plans to buy a new laptop, you're saving for a car, when last did you travel or go on a vacation, how much do you have to spare for yourself in your account", my response was "None". Then she continued, "it's time to put Lola first, the money you've been borrowing people, how many have paid back", i said "None" then she said "But you'll still borrow them if they come back and asked for more", i couldn't respond after she said that coz in a way, she was right. She then said, i know you love these people and i'm sure they are well aware that you do, however, you need to put yourself first, its time for Lola to come first in Lola's life, it's time for Lola to enjoy all she has been working hard for. After she spoke to me, i did exactly what she said, i put myself first, i've been doing that ever since and i am happier. Now I help people when i'm in the position to, bearing in mind that i am just one person and i have needs, most importantly i work hard for what i have, where i have reached in life and i will continue to work hard towards my future goals.

Bottom line of this post is, MAKE TIME FOR YOU! Work hard, Play harder. Travel when you can and acquire more knowledge in life. Surround yourself with positivity and people who will push you to be a better person in life, not those who only help you spend or those who just take take take and never give anything positive back in return. Live a healthy life, trust me its easy to ignore this part but how you treat your body today is the result you'll see tomorrow.

Buy yourself the things you want and work hard to live the life you dream of. Remeber, YOLO!!!! :-)

Love Lowla

xXx

SELF PERCEPTION

                     Exploring Self Perception via Broken Mirrors by Katie Thompson

A friend tweeted in July 2013 about females who work in Zenith bank, asking if it was true that light skinned women have it better than dark skinned women. Saying if you're light skinned you get to work in CSU and if you're dark skinned you get directed to the cashier/teller section. This got me laughing because of the nature of his tweet, on the other hand it made me very upset. I mean is that all that matters? At the same time, it also got me thinking a lot about how this issue will and has already affected self perception in a lot of women.

History shows that most cultures, if not all, from the beginning of time have been bothered about their appearance and physical attractiveness. However, in modern times, it is obvious that these normal concerns have now become an obsession for a lot of people. It is very safe to say that the media and technology are to blame. TV, adverts, billboards and magazines all portray thin and attractive people as having more fun, being more successful and happier. Pictures of models are air brushed and photo-shopped therefore making them appear as being perfect! An accomplishment most of us could never achieve, no matter how hard we try. The effort and energy put in by people to look better is not only exhausting but also severely decreases their happiness and life satisfaction.

In Nigeria, the issue of light-skinned females been used more by the media than the dark-skinned females is a major issue and this makes some dark-skinned females less proud of their skin tone. I know of a few ladies who used to be darker than myself (and my skin tone isnt that dark, I'm not light skinned either, just very well placed in between, lol) but now they are really light, some people refer to them as being 'Yellow'. They are well known, working in fields associated with the entertainment/media industry. I try to wonder what it was that made them feel they weren't pretty enough with their natural skin tone, sometimes I make excuses for them and say 'Maybe they had skin issues, and the doctor advised on bleaching', Lol.

I know sometimes it isn't easy when you look at yourself in the mirror and you just all of a sudden don't like what you see. In April of the same year, I had a serious acne break out on my face which I battled till about July, 2013. A friend saw me at the Chinua Achebe event and had to ask 'Lola where did this break out come from' and I replied 'I feel like I just hit puberty all over again'. It wass sometimes hard for me to step out of my house because I didn't feel pretty enough and I complained, infact I complained everyday, my cousins were tired, lol. But after much groaning and mood swings, I pulled myself together, looked in the mirror and said 'Lola you are beautiful, fuck the acne', and I was good to go.

Self-esteem and confidence is needed to be happy in life. Know and always remember that you are unique so you should be proud of who you are. Be happy about the body you have and your life. Self-confidence is what gives other people trust in you because they can see that you know what you are doing. Stay positive, stay happy.

I would love to focus on more issues like weight, style, relationships and how they affect your self perception but i will touch them one by one, this is the first.

Love Lowla

xXx

Cougars And Pumas

In today's society we have older women dating younger guys and even getting married to them. Some people frown against this in Africa, even if the woman is just about 2-4 years older than the man. Now let's look at this properly, starting with the definitions:
A cougar is a woman in her 40's (and above) who is primarily attracted to and also has sex with men 10 years (and below) younger than her. So if you're in your 40's and you're dating or having sexual relationships with guys in their 20's....yes ma'am you're a Cougar.
A puma is a woman in her 30's who dates men about 7 years younger than her. However the definition of a puma in the UK is quite different, they define a puma as a single woman who pursues more mature and older men... I like to stick to my first definition. Lol. So if you're in your 30's and your boyfriend is in his early or close to mid 20's then yes ma'am.... you're a Puma.
Let's all understand the difference between the 2... Cougars start from 40's and above and Pumas 30's.

So I asked myself, if you're say 28, 29 or 30 and you're dating a 21, 22 or 23 years old guy then what does that make you?? I say a Puma. Lol. And if you fall in between, let's say the guy is about 3-5 years younger than you then I'd say... Hmmm... Age is just a number, Lol. I guess its safe to say its all somehow confusing but at least you all know where you stand now. Lol.

So the question is, why is this tagged as wrong and unacceptable? I guess in the African society, tradition frowns on things like this and this dates back to many years ago. So why do we have Cougars, Why does it happen? Well it happens because it can. For cougars, they are at their sexual peak. I stated in my 'Wives Who Cheat' post that women get more horny when they clock 40. It happens because who better than a younger guy to fulfill their sexual needs, they have the stamina and that's really all they need to fulfill their sexual hunger. So I say again, give your wife what she needs early so she doesn't go preying on younger cats when she's 40+ and also keep fit, women love a fit man, :-). I also feel that if a woman passes the age of matrimony before she gets herself an older and mature partner that shares the same passion as she does then she will definitely go into recreational flavoring of younger men. However if you're single and in your 40's then by all means do what makes you happy.

Guys tend to like cougars. You ask why? Well because they are an unusual and very interesting breed, they are mature and exciting, they seem to think and also want what men want which is sex with no strings attached. A puma is different, she is not 10 years and above older than her man, she still sees something meaningful coming out of their relationship, it is also not just sex with no strings attached for them... Yes I know we have women in their 30's who are single and just want to have sexual relationships with guys in their 20's.. That is however what it is... Just sex.

'What about Me? Lol. Well, I have dated guys younger than me. Because of my looks, I get guys that are about 2-5 years younger than I am approach me more coz they feel I'm in my mid 20's. This is not saying that they leave when they realize I'm older than them, Lol.. My friends and I discuss about this age difference issue a lot and I say to them, if I find a guy younger than me, who is into me, who is mature (please note that maturity has got nothing to do with age) and responsible, the whole 9 yards...... and I see something good there, yes I will date or/and marry him.. Then they ask 'but what is the lowest you can go?'... Lol. And I say, can't be more than 2-3 years younger than me.. I'm still under the 'age is just a number' category, call me chicken if you want to. Lol. A lot of my friends...in fact all my 'close' friends do not see themselves ending up with guys younger than them...I'm the odd one out and they still love me. I'm not one to dwell too much on age difference (within the circle I'm comfortable with). I see something, I like it and its worth going for, I go for it...

This is a broad and interesting topic but I will stop here now. You know where you stand, you know what you want (go for it). I don't judge and I don't advice anyone to either. We weren't all created the same way, brought up the same way, we don't think the same way nor do we all like the same things. Remember, no 2 DNA's in the world are the same ;-)

Love Lowla

xXx

Women Who Overcome Adversity

The dictionary defines Overcome as 'to get better of in a struggle or conflict; conquer; defeat'. And it defines adversity as 'an adverse or unfortunate event or circumstance: a friend will show his or her true colors in times of adversity'. Overcoming adversity helps to build ones character and that in return helps to build hope. What is important is that we do not allow our worries and troubles take over and drown us. Always remember that no matter how bad the weather is for you, by the strength and grace of God, you can rise above it all.

Many stories of victory over adversity exist in all walks and fields of life, from famous to regular people, wealthy or poor etc. A lot of women around the world have overcome adversity to lead successful lives, I know a few and I would also put myself in this category and say I'm still working my way up, not giving up and pushing on hard by the special grace of God. In the world we live in today, a lot of people look up to famous/prominent people as a template of how they themselves can rise above similar situations. I read online that in recent times, the biggest movement as regards overcoming adversity has been the role of women who leave their duties of solely being a wife & mother into the role of being an independent individual who is able to pave their own path.

My Dad, my hero, is one person I know that has overcome adversities, I have witnessed this first hand but since this is a blog about women, let's stick to women, lol. I'll give you a brief story of my cousin Princess Sola Adedoyin Adeoti, this woman is no stranger to pains but she's stronger than ever today and living life beautifully well. Her story is well known by a lot of people, google her name and you'll get a full break down. Aunty Sola lost her mum (my dads older sister) when she was six years old, grew up without a mother, went through so much when she was the GMD of the defunct City Express bank and to top it all, she survived breast cancer. She fought for her life and with the help and Grace of God she survived to tell her story. She established the MariaSam foundation which caters for cancer victims.

There is no gadget that can help measure adversity so we can't say for sure which of our problems in life are more painful, but we all know what it feels like in times of adversity. Everyone of us has experienced trying times filled with sorrow and pain, the question is what do you do in times of adversity, do you give up on life? No! Life is too precious, do not allow anxiety, insecurity and worry run rampant in your life. Learn to accept that adversity is a part of life and it is inevitable, build your inner and outer resources, know and believe that what does not kill you only makes you stronger, take notes and learn from those who have successfully dealt with and have overcome adversity. I have below 3 Bible Verses and 3 quotes on Overcoming Adversity.

Revelation 3:21

"To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne."

Isaiah 41:10

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

1 Corinthians 10:13

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it."

"There is no education like adversity - Benjamin Disareli

"When it gets dark enough you can see the stars" - Lee Salk

"I would never have amounted to anything were it not for adversity. I was forced to come up the hard way." - J. C. Penny

My inspiration to write this post was a simple BBM status, my friend updated her status to 'Women who overcome adversity #Nofear' and that was all that pushed me to write this. Thanks for the inspiration Ajala, love you. And to end this post is a few words from my sweet cousin I talked about above, in her words she says; 

'Learn to reinvent yourself when you get boxed into a corner or get knocked down in the act of running the race of life. Learn to do this by developing new skills, holding onto God and create a new route to life. If one door closes another will open. Delay is not denial, it means be strong for better things to come'.

Love Lowla

xXx

Friends With Benefits

Friendship is not a casual relationship cos we do not make friends with all our acquaintances. There are different ways people define what friends with benefit means, but in my opinion, which follows with my first sentence, it means people who started off being friends with no idea of ever hooking up and 'Bam' one faithful day it all goes down and the 'FWB' journey starts, just like a platonic friend. Who remembers what Chris Rock said about those? 'A platonic friend is like a dick in a jar case' lol. To other people it means other things.

I always say friends with benefits should be a relationship status cos the relationship of friendship with "sexual" benefits has become increasingly popular. I went online to do a little research on it this afternoon and I got this quote from a psychology blog; 'Sex between friends with benefits is more recurring and affectionate than that of a one-night stand, although the sex is not part of romantic love. Research shows that men appear to focus more on the benefits and women more on the friendship.'

Now as much as this happens a lot, do you think its healthy? How many people stay friends when sex gets into the picture? A lot of people (not just women) say 'oh its just sex' 'oh its nothing serious' 'we can handle ourselves' 'we have an understanding', but the truth is in most cases someone ends up falling for the other person. It starts off harmless but when you continuously have sex with someone, you're comfortable with him, you share secrets with each other, one person will break the rules and fall for the other person and in most cases the woman is the one who falls for the man. As much as the saying 'you really can't help who you fall for' goes, you should be fully aware of what you're getting into.

My one time ever true friends with benefits lasted a few months. Friends for a few years before anything happened and even when it did I didn't see it coming. The plus side for me was he wasn't my type, in the sense that if we weren't friends and he asked me out, I wouldn't date him. It felt weird at first but got better and It was what it was, we set rules and we were obviously free to be with other people and we also made it clear that if we got into a relationship  with other people along the line then it would have to end because after all, it was just sex. I realised that I got too comfortable and then arguments started, I just got out of a relationship before we really started and it now felt like I was in a relationship all over again, part of being ok with friends with benefits then was cos I didn't want the relationship drama at that point in my life. It felt choking and it wasn't what I wanted, all I was really bothered about was our friendship and keeping it. A lot happened but thank God it ended when it did and we can still see each other today and act cool.

The problem with friends with benefits is that it has a tendency to go south pretty quick and most times, not in the good way. My advice is this, try it out with someone you wouldn't normally date and enjoy it while its still hot and steamy. Give yourselves a time frame and stop before it turns into something else, I mean reach your breaking point. Fact is friends with benefits is like snacking on your favourite junk food, its yummy and addictive but never lasts long and one day you'll get tired and irritated. Pick something you know would make you fall for a guy and don't do it with him, in my case its kissing, its an easier way for me to fall for a guy i'm attracted to than sex, especially if its amazingly good, lol. When you start to continuously argue about whatever is also a sign to stop, it could mean feelings are starting to creep in and in some cases it means 'disaster on the way' because one person might want it to get serious and the other doesn't so stop before you ruin your friendship, in another case it could mean irritation which also means time to stop. Some friends with benefits end up being a serious relationship, some even lead to marriage. This doesn't happen to everyone so don't think cos A was lucky with hers means the same will happen to you. In the case of strictly fuck buddies, do not call or text him for anything other than sex (I personally feel fuck buddies and friends with benefits are 2 different things, close but different. Just thought I'd put that out there, lol)

Love Lowla

xXx

Quarter Life Crisis

This is an old post from Facebook, i posted this 6 years ago (April 2009). It was exactly how i felt back then and up until over a year ago, i still found myself feeling this way about certain issues but what i did then was talk to God, worship, praise him and i felt better. As we mature (both men and women) we tend to realize certain things about life and this draws us closer to God. I know a lot of people will relate to this post. 

It is when you stop going along with the crowd you start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Its called the "Quarter-life Crisis." I hope this has been able to make you feel better with whatever it is you are going through? One thing you must always remember is that Life is a continuous battle and no matter what, we never really stop fighting one thing or the other. Stay Positive.

Love Lowla

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